


CASTLEBOUND Act II Part 3

by BiblioMatsuri



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover, Doomed Timelines, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:16:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2336585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiblioMatsuri/pseuds/BiblioMatsuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snapshots from an epic, told in botherlog format.</p><p>Fill for Request 2 by WitchTiara:</p><p>"I want to see Harry Potter characters playing Sburb. Maybe it's just the Golden Trio, or maybe Malfoy has become a good friend and he's playing, too. They figure out how captchaloging works, how the alchemy works, that they're supposed to kill the enemies, not befriend them. Perhaps Hermione refuses to enter until she has read all the available material regarding the game, so she enters last. Maybe Harry has to play around with the controls before he realizes he's good at it. Does their magic work in the Medium, or do they have to find new strife specibi? What on earth do they prototype their kernelsprites with? Who's on Prospit and who's on Derse? Most importantly, what is everyone's class and aspect? </p><p>However, I do imagine they would fail and there would be at least one death. You don't have to show the other two/three. You could just show them realizing that this won't work out and they can't finish the objective. Give me a good tragedy."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Page 104

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WitchTiara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WitchTiara/gifts).



> It's in pesterlog format, and wound up a bit off-prompt. (And parts are a bit weak because I mixed up the deadlines...) I hope this is okay...

==> be RON WEASLEY

Your name is RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY, but no one calls you that except your Mum. You are fourteen years old and you were a WIZARD studying at HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY until your good friend HERMIONE gave you a really weird gift a few weeks ago. Now you are a MAGE of HEART in the LAND OF PYRITE AND MIRRORS, whatever the bloody hell that means. You have the BOARDKIND strife specibus because WEIRD MUGGLE CONTRAPTIONS are harder to use than they look.

You might owe your good friend an apology.

\-- show botherlog --

\-- kingLion [KL] is online! --  
\-- kingLion [KL] began bothering hermeticManifesto [HM] --

KL: why does this thing say im a mage?  
KL: what the hell?  
KL: i'm a wizard.  
HM: That's your title, Ron.  
KL: blah blah blah, what does it do?  
HM: *sighs* There are two parts. The second part is your aspect, which defines what sort of powers the game has given you. “Mage” is your class. It defines how you can use those powers  
HM: Is that simple enough for you??  
KL: uh, what?  
KL: someone's feeling awfully snippy.  
HM: Someone is currently attempting to deal with her server player.  
HM: Who is an idiot of the highest order, by the by.  
KL: Harrys an idiot?  
HM: No.  
HM: Well, he might be making a bit of a fool of himself, but that's not the problem right now.  
HM: It's Malfoy.  
KL: what about him?  
HM: He's my server player.  
KL: WHAT?  
HM: You weren't paying the least bit of attention to my explanation earlier, were you??  
KL: er.  
HM: And you didn't read the logs??  
KL: er.  
HM: You don't know how. Well, that's just bloody perfect  
KL: did you just swear?  
KL: NO, WAIT, never mind.  
KL: what do you mean he's your server player?  
KL: that means he brought you into the game, right?  
KL: I know I didn't hear anything about Malfoy being a part of this earlier.  
KL: what the eff Hermione?  
HM: It's simple math, Ron. The game requires an even number of players to meet entrance requirements.  
HM: As Malfoy was already “in the know” as it were, it was expedient to ask him.  
KL: Hermione did he blackmail you? because you can tell me if he did. I'll kick his arse for you.  
HM: That's sweet of you, but I've already punched him in the face for being a prejudiced snot.  
KL: wait. Seriously? I thought that was against the rules.  
HM: In school? Absolutely. Here? Here the rules are very different, Ron  
HM: Here the rules are whatever we choose them to be  
HM: This is going to be a very interesting experience  
DA: That the fate of the universe is literally going to be decided by our success of failure doesn't faze you at all, does it?  
DA: And you punched Malfoy? Really?  
HM: Well, no.  
HM: Wait.  
HM: Harry, have you been here the whole time?!  
DA: Er.  
KL: then why didn't you say anything!  
HM: That's improper grammar, Ron. A question should always end with a question. You could have also used an interrobang like I did.  
KL: it wasn't a question. we already know Harry never tells us anything.  
DA: You're still mad about that?  
KL: YOU NEARLY DIED you git.  
DA: I can fly, Ron  
KL: without a broom???  
DA: I alchemized an Invisibility Broom  
KL: what  
DA: Want to borrow it?  
HM: Boys!  
HM: Can we please get back on topic?  
KL: Merlins pants I give up.  
KL: and speaking of pants.  
KL: Harry why did you prototype my kernelsprite with my dress robes?  
HM: Are you serious, Ron?  
HM: We're having a serious discussion, and here you are whinging about imps in frilly robes.  
KL: oh, yeah? so you like the godawful-ugly things?  
HM: Better than having to see Crookshankssprite.  
KL: wait, what?  
DA: Say what now?  
HM: *sigh* Malfoy prototyped my kernelsprite with my spell-check quill.  
DA: So how does that make “Crookshankssprite”?  
HM: It doesn't. But we all have to prototype our sprites twice: once before entering the Incipisphere in order to create the final stage of the battlefield, and once after entering to complete the sprite.  
KL: boring!  
HM: *RON*  
HM: Fine. Long story short, five seconds after we got here Crookshanks just jumped out of my arms and into the quillsprite  
HM: Ergo, Crookshankssprite.  
DA: Oh, no Hermione, are you going to be okay?  
HM: I  
HM: Yes I  
HM:  
KL: that really sucks. Crookshanks was a good cat.  
KL: ugly as a squashed stoat, mind  
KL: but a good cat.  
HM: *Thank you so much* Ron  
KL: you're welcome

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] blocked [KL] ! --

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] has stopped bothering [KL] ! --

DA: I'm pretty sure that was sarcasm  
KL: what was sarcasm?  
DA: She wasn't actually thanking you  
KL: well, how was I supposed to tell?  
KL: I can't see or hear anything on here  
KL: except this chit-chat thingy and a whole lot of fog  
KL: Harry, where are you?  
DA: I'm doing a side-quest  
KL: oh, that explains a lot  
DA: Hedwigsprite told me to ask my consorts about The Riddle  
DA: She's never steered me wrong before, so I did  
DA: and now I'm at the top of the tallest tower  
DA: there's a picture of a sphinx  
KL: bloody hell!  
KL: those things are nasty.  
DA: Yeah, I think it's my denizen  
DA: And there should be a map  
DA: Oh  
DA: Drat  
DA: It's just a blank piece of paper  
KL: well that's bollocks.  
DA: Yeah, it is  
KL: by the way, what's a denizen?

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] began bothering kingLion [KL] --

HM: Ron!!  
KL: What?  
HM: Didn't you read the user's guide I sent you??  
HM: I've sent everyone a copy, even Malfoy  
DA: I don't think I got mine  
HM: Oh, for crying out loud

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] began bothering destinyAppeared [DA] ! --

HM: Just click this and say yes to whatever pops up.  
DA: Got it, thanks  
KL: yeah.  
KL: er.  
KL: Hermione, this thing is big.  
DA: Could you just give us the Cliff's Notes version?  
HM: Ugh. Boys.  
HM: All right, first I just want to make sure. You all prototyped your kernelsprites once before the game started, right?  
DA: Yes  
KL: yeah, i got the robes, you know that.  
KL: hey harry, what did you do to Malfoy's?  
DA: I threw a pickled ferret in it  
KL: er.  
HM: What in the world...??  
KL: whered you get a pickled ferret?  
DA: You know Snape's got all those creepy pickled things in jars?  
HM: You didn't...  
DA: It reminded me of Malfoy the amazing bouncing ferret  
KL: im laughing so hard now.  
KL ow my sides.  
HM: Thank you so much. Now I know why Malfoy is being even more of a rear end than he usually is.  
DA: Sorry  
KL: huh. hhats a bit weird though Harry.  
KL: i meant thats.  
KL: bloody stupid Muggle contraption.  
HM: I would accuse you of magical discrimination if I didn't know exactly what you mean.  
HM: Computers.  
HM: I've been chained to the keyboard for hours.  
HM: I can't even go out to get grist for alchemizing new items because Malfoy is an idiot.  
DA: ???  
HM: I'll explain later. Are either of you still interested in learning about our denizens?  
KL: I never was. but if you could explain how these ridiculous sprite-things work, that would be really helpful.  
KL: thanks, Hermione.  
HM: Harry, are you on LOPAM??  
DA: Not right now  
HM: Well when you get there, could you please smack Ron over the head for me?  
DA: Sure.  
KL: hey!  
DA: So, sprites first?  
HM: All right. Each kernelsprite needs to be prototyped once to complete the battlefield.  
DA: You already said that  
HM: I'm reviewing. And it's important! The game objective can only be completed if *all* sprites are prototyped once *before* each player enters the Incipisphere.  
KL: what happens if the sprite gets prototyped twice?  
HM: To the game?? Nothing. To us?? The imps and queens all get an unnecessary power-up.  
DA: Queens?  
HM: I suppose it's too much to hope you've read the sections on Prospit and Derse.  
DA: I only just got the user's guide, remember?  
HM: Now, it's highly recommended if not required to prototype your sprite again after arriving on your planet.  
HM: Your sprite is meant to act as a guide, like the navigation fairy in Legend of Zelda.  
KL: the what now?  
DA: I've never played that game What is it?  
HM: *sighs*  
KL: hold on, Malfoy's bothering me.  
KL: what the crap?  
KL: aifjafjkaj  
KL: rgh  
DA: Ron?  
HM: What happened?  
KL: BLOODY IMPS!  
KL: an effing enormous one just crashed through the ceiling.  
KL: if I hadn't seen been behind a mirror it would have squished me.  
KL: wow these things are sturdy.  
DA: Now you know how spiders feel  
KL: don't even joke about that.  
KL: gah  
KL: at least shale imps are still breakable.  
KL: boardkind ftw.  
KL: “for the win”  
KL: did I get that right, Hermione?  
HM: Yes, you had it right. And those “giant imps” are ogres.  
KL: yeah, I guess they do look a bit big to be imps.  
HM: No, that's the official termin  
HM: dha  
HM: Damn it.  
KL: What?  
HM: Not you! I have to go bail out my narcissistic prejudiced prig of a server player. Apparently he needs “a meat shield to soak up the hits” and I'm the only one he's got.  
KL: hey Harry? I know Hermione's already asked you to hit me, but if you ever wind up on the same planet could you punch Draco really hard?  
KL: hard enough to make him pass out?  
DA: I'm not exactly going to go looking for him  
KL: Still  
DA: Eh, why not?  
HM: Ron, Harry, no. You shouldn't be ganging up on Malfoy no matter how much of a prat he is.  
HM: Like it or not we're stuck with each other.  
KL: only because there's no one else left  
HM: …

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] has logged out ! --

DA: o-o  
DA: Nice one, Ron  
KL: shit.  
KL: I've got to get to the gate.  
DA: But that'll just send you to my planet You'll have to go all the way around in order to apologize in person  
KL: then I will!  
DA: And we'll have to get through Malfoy's planet, too  
KL: but its a lifeless desert.  
KL: and those other planets...  
KL: eff.  
DA: Ah, well  
DA: Wait, Ron, is your tower still getting built up?  
KL: yeah.  
DA: She must not be that mad, then  
KL: then what was that for?  
DA: Just because she isn't mad doesn't mean she isn't upset  
DA: I'm going to get to work on Malfoy's tower  
DA: I thought we had time, but  
DA: Anyway, sidequests can wait for a bit  
KL: Yeah.  
DA: Let's get to it

\-- destinyAppeared [DA] ceased bothering kingLion [KL] ! --  
\-- kingLion [KL] ceased bothering destinyAppeared [DA] ! --

\-- [KL] has logged off ! --  
\-- [DA] has logged off ! --


	2. Page 369

==> be HARRY POTTER

Your name is HARRY JAMES POTTER and you are fourteen years old. You have been in the LAND OF LIGHTNING AND TOWERS since yesterday. You used to be a FREAK, and then you were a WIZARD, and now you are not quite sure what you are other than the KNIGHT OF BREATH. Nothing makes sense anymore. You just wanted to play a GAME with your friends. It seemed a bit sketchy when you found out MALFOY was involved, and your GLITCHY KEYBOARD isn't helping matters, but this still seems doable.

You can already feel FATE catching up.

\-- show botherlog --

\-- scathingFaith [SF] began bothering hermeticManifesto [HM] ! --

SF: Finally, you're here!  
SF: Now let's finish the game so I can get the prize I deserve.  
HM: …  
KL: hey Harry you made it to LOSAS yet?  
SF: htrfg h rv  
DA: I punched Draco in the head  
SF: Ow! You backstabbing scum!  
HM: Thank you, Harry.  
KL: aw I wanted to do it.  
DA: Then why did you ask me to do it?  
KL: because I had a question and I wanted to make sure Draco wasnt skulking again.  
HM: Lurking.  
KL: sneaking around, whatever.  
SF: Oh, so it's fine when perfect Potter does it.  
KL: no its not but Hermione cut a deal with him.  
KL: every time he does stuff by himself for no good reason  
DA: Ron!  
HM: Don't tell Malfoy!  
KL: er sorry. wasn't thinking.  
SF: you never think.  
KL: go eff yourself ferret face.  
DA: Ron, don't poke the ferret  
DA: It's probably diseased

\-- scathingFaith [SF] has blocked destinyAppeared [DA] ! --

HM: Not now. I need both of you to be civil if not polite.  
HM: Clearly I was the biggest idiot of all to think that we could actually trust Malfoy.  
HM: Idiot.  
DA: O-o  
HM: But that's not the point.  
HM: The point is:  
SF: The prize for this game is clearly the ultimate treasure. It said so right in that ridiculous guide book Granger sent.  
HM: So??  
SF: It was quite enough to split The Treasure with you three teacher's pets. I'm not splitting it eight ways.  
HM: *Eight* ways...?  
KL: teacher's pets?! that's rich, coming from you.  
HM: *Ron.*  
HM: Draco Malfoy, what did you do?!  
SF: Nothing!  
SF: I'm not an idiot.  
SF: I knew we needed an even number of players from both sides, Prospit and Derse. So you two do-gooders who never get caught for Prospit, plus the weasel, rounds out the even number needed to play.  
DA: We've been caught loads of times!  
KL: not helping, mate.  
HM: I'm an idiot.  
DA: You mean Malfoy is an idiot  
HM: This time I meant I was the idiot.  
HM: Harry, Ron:  
HM: There are eight planets.  
DA: So? We all made it in.  
KL: oh.  
HM: Yes. Quite.  
HM: Draco Malfoy, when I get ahold of you you will be a *dead boy* do you hear me?!  
DA: Hermione? Ron? What am I missing?  
KL: it's like chess Harry. like the courts of Prospit and Derse fighting each other forever.  
KL: you need all the pieces for the game to start, even if you have to sacrifice some later.  
KL: so let's say each of us is a major, like a rook or a bishop.  
KL: and maybe the consorts count as pawns, I dunno.  
SF: Stop wasting everyone's time, Weasley.  
HM: Shut up and listen.  
SF: How dare you!  
SF: I'll tell my father on you.  
DA: He's dead, Malfoy.  
DA: Everyone on Earth is dead.  
SF: I  
DA: Now shut up and listen.  
KL: so the consorts or maybe the planets are pawns. and we're the more valuable pieces like bishops and castles.  
KL: all the planets are here, so all the pawns are here too.  
KL: but if a quarter of the pieces we need are missing,  
KL: the game can't start.  
KL: it didn't.  
KL: it couldn't.  
KL: you arse!  
SF: I  
HM: Stop. Stop right there.  
HM: Ron, if I'm interpreting your hypothesis correctly: You're saying the game never started.  
KL: no it started  
KL: but now its like one of Fred and Georges inventions  
KL: it got started but its a dud  
HM: Oh, no.  
KL: were in a doomed timeline  
KL: Malfoy you piece of stinking shit you SABOTAGED THE GAME!  
DA: If we're lucky, and the game wasn't corrupted from the start  
HM: Harry!  
DA: What? Someone had to say it


	3. Page 370

==> be HERMIONE GRANGER

Your name is HERMIONE JEAN GRANGER. You are fourteen years old. You thought you were a WITCH but it seems you are in fact the SEER OF TIME. You have been in the LAND OF NEEDLES AND GLASS for two hours, 49 minutes, and nine seconds. You do not like what you see.

You need to know more.

\-- show botherlog --

HM: Oh, I should have known.  
HM: It was too easy. The sidequests were progressing so smoothly, but we never actually got anywhere. It was as though there were an invisible glass ceiling which we couldn't break, some insurmountable obstacle that shouldn't have been insurmountable.  
SF: Doomed timeline? What on Earth are you going on about, Mudblood?  
HM: What  
DA: All right, Malfoy's unconscious  
KL: thanks, mate.  
DA: No problem. Now what?  
HM: I don't know.  
HM: I don't know.  
HM: I just don't know.  
HM: Fuck.

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] has logged out of botherbud ! --

KL: Yeah. I'm with Hermione.  
KL: What do you think?

\-- destinyAppeared [DA] has stopped responding! --

KL: Harry?  
KL: what the hell?  
KL: Hermione?  
KL: Malfoy?  
KL: anyone?  
KL: I'm coming up on Malfoy's tower.  
KL: hello?


	4. Page 371

==> be HARRY POTTER

You cannot be HARRY POTTER because HARRY POTTER is dead.

==> be RON WEASLEY

\-- show botherlog --

KL: what the eff!!!  
MW: I am so sorry, Master. Your advent shall not happen here and now.  
MW: Thanks to these children's foolishness.  
MW: So sorry.  
KL: what did you do to Harry, you creepy little rat?  
KL: where  
KL: Ha erbg

\-- kingLion [KL] has stopped responding ! --

\-- kingLion [KL] is dead ! --


	5. Page 372

==> be DRACO MALFOY

Your name is DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY. You are fourteen years old, and you are nearly of age. You are a PUREBLOOD WIZARD of a distinguished lineage. You are the HEIR OF VOID and you will uncover the secrets of your LAND OF SILVER AND SALT. You have your WANDKIND strife specibus.

You are not afraid.

\-- show botherlog --

\-- scathingFaith [SF] has started bothering hermeticManifesto [HM]! --

\-- scathingFaith [SF] has started bothering destinyAppeared [DA]! --

\-- scathingFaith [SF] cannot bother destinyAppeared [DA] because destinyAppeared [DA] is dead! --

SF: What!  
HM: Malfoy? Is that you?  
SF: Yes.  
HM: Finally! I've been looking all over for you.  
HM: Well, not you specifically, but no matter what I try I can't raise the boys.  
HM: And my tower's stuck too far down from the first gate for me to get anywhere.  
HM: In hindsight, it might have been better for Harry to leave you conscious.  
HM: Which raises the question: Why hasn't Harry been building up my tower??  
SF: He can't.  
HM: Why not??  
SF: Because he's busy doing something useful.  
HM: Oh.  
HM: I see. He's dead, isn't he?? And Ron??  
SF: How  
SF: What are you playing at, Mudblood?  
HM: I'm not playing, pureblood.  
HM: There's nothing to play. The game is over.  
HM: Though it would be more accurate to say that the game never started.  
HM: You only gave me partial records, didn't you?  
SF: I  
SF: What  
HM: And you never once stopped to think that by sabotaging the game of universes, you prevented the renewal of the universe.  
SF: What?  
HM: That's The Treasure you were so dead set on keeping to yourself, idiot. Or that was what it could have been, if you hadn't gotten greedy and refused to see past your ridiculous pride and prejudices.  
HM: Oh, look, I made a literary pun! How silly of me.  
SF: What do you mean?  
HM: The prize for winning this game is the birth of a new universe after the death of the players' universe. No more and no less.  
HM: Which you would have known if you hadn't given me only half the information we needed!  
HM: I've spent the last year on translation, but I only realized what was missing after I read the botherlog about Harry's map.  
HM: It was a type of magic-activated invisible ink.  
HM: Or rather alchemy, I suppose.  
HM: At any rate, we are doomed. Fated to die.  
HM: I hope you die slowly.  
SF: How dare you!  
HM: Forget you.  
HM: I suppose one good thing came of you being my server player.  
HM: I don't have to worry about watching you die.  
HM: I'm logging out now. Goodbye.

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] has logged out of botherbud! --  
\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] is dead! --

SF: What-  
SF: No no no no no no.  
SF: MUDBLOOD! WEASLEY!  
SF: POTTER!  
SF: I'll tell my father on all of you!


	6. Page 373

==>

You will never admit it, but you think perhaps your plan might have had some holes in it.

\- show botherlog -

SF: No no no no  
HM: Oh, shut up Malfoy.  
SF: What-  
SF: You're dead!  
HM: My dreamself took over.  
SF: Wait.  
SF: You planned this?  
HM: No.  
HM: If I had had time to plan, I would not have allowed Ron and Harry to die.  
HM: Nor you to live.  
HM: This is still a doomed timeline.  
HM: But I can send information to my alpha timeline self.  
SF: So what? We're still doomed!  
HM: And whose fault is that??  
HM: Now send me the rest of the notes  
SF: Why the hell should I bother?  
HM: Because if you do  
HM: There's a chance your alternate self's guardian might survive.  
HM: Do you want your mother to live?  
SF: reoij  
SF: Can you really save her?  
HM: Of course. All these deaths were due to incomplete research. I just need the rest of the data.  
HM: So please send me the notes from the Chamber.  
HM: If that's all right?  
SF: I  
SF: I see you've finally learned your place, Mudblood.  
HM: I have.  
SF: Fine, then.  
SF: Here.  
HM: Thank you.

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] has stopped bothering scathingFaith [SF] ! --

SF: Ha! I knew I

\-- scathingFaith [SF] has died! --

HM: Good riddance to bad rubbish.  
HM: I'm coming, boys.

\-- hermeticManifesto [HM] has logged out of botherbud ! --


End file.
